Even if it’s already happened. (You say that this is supposed to take place in a matter of weeks, if not sooner.) If this is the case, you must tell your boss that you’ve changed your mind about having her stay over and that she’ll have to make other arrangements.

You are allowed to say “no.”

And you are allowed to say “no” after the fact.

Let me repeat. You are allowed to say “no” after the fact.

It’s interesting that you consulted ChatGPT. More and more of my friends are doing the same thing for advice. I put your exact query, word for word, into the application to see what it would have to say. I wasn’t impressed. The A.I. made all the right points — stressing the importance of maintaining professional boundaries and being aware of power dynamics — but these are things you already know. It also suggested that you offer alternatives “like suggesting a hotel or a nearby rental.” But this is unhelpful. Not only does it suggest that this is your problem to solve, it assumes that, in addition to your boss being unprofessional, she is also stupid. Which might only add fuel to the fire. I mean, this conversation is going to be hard enough as it is.


I work as an administrator in a small firm with two bosses, several partners, and just a few administrators. Our newest administrator has been with us less than a year. The firm allows for flexible work time, and the new admin and I usually work as late as 6:30 (the bosses and the head administrator usually leave around 5 p.m.).

I’ve noticed, when left working late with our new admin, that she frequently spends that time on her phone, not working. It is extremely frustrating, as I have a huge workload and wasting time like that is unthinkable to me. But I don’t know what to do about it — I’m not in a supervisory role to this co-worker, so I tell myself just to do my own work and keep my nose clean.

I think the standard advice would be to let the bosses discover this on their own — but they are rarely there to observe the behavior. Tattling on this co-worker seems childish, but I don’t know if speaking to her directly is wise, either. What should I do?

— Anonymous

“I’m not in a supervisory role to this co-worker, so I tell myself just to do my own work and keep my nose clean,” you write. You’ve already answered your own question. You have to stay out of it.

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